A Plea To Parents of Little Boys

I'm roughly a month or so away from adding a new label onto my life: father. And if you think that sounds like just another step, to me it seems so out of place. The word father seems to carry a sense of maturity to it. Because now you're not only responsible for yourself, but for an entire other life. One totally dependent on you to clothe, feed, clean, stimulate, play with, read to, hug and kiss, and sacrificially love daily. And lucky me, I've got to do all this with a little girl! Not that I'm not excited, but it sure is intimidating!

I've been thinking a lot recently about how Kathryn and I are to raise this little girl in today's world. A world filled with such crudeness and sin that it causes me to shiver just thinking about not being with my daughter for a single moment to protect her. So I wanted to write a blog directed to the parents of young boys out there. Just a few requests:


1) Teach them to respect other girls as the weaker sex. We lived in a society where gender lines are often blurred. The feminist movement has leveled the playing field for men and women, and both genders have felt reprecussions. While some good things have come of it, it has also taught us that females are to be treated no differently than men. That's bogus. It's obvious we were created differently. Women are weaker physically than men and often times emotionally. PLEASE teach your boys to respect girls. It goes beyond just holding doors and lifting heavy things for them. It's respecting their hearts to never break them, their minds to never discourage them, and their bodies to never defile them. We are all image bearers of God.

2) Respecting other girls starts at home. Fathers (and husbands), if you are crude, crass, mean, rude, disrespectful, slanderous, abusive (physically or verbally), harsh, condescending, or arrogant towards your wives at home, your son WILL see that, and he will most likely view that as how women are to be treated. If you have negative things to say towards your spouse, you NEVER do so in front of your children. That doesn't mean it's okay to do it in private unless it's a civil discussion between both of you. As a child, the worst punishments I received (and the most painful spankings, for that matter) were when my father found out I had disrespected my mother. His love for her showed me that I was to love her and respect her because HE did. Dads, love your wives (Eph. 5:25-27). Your children are watching.

3) Teach your son that sex is for marriage. The saddest part of today's world to me is how open and disclosing people are with their sexuality. As someone that is going to be raising a girl, it scares me to death. In today's world, girls are pregnant in some cases at age 13. Many girls will have their first "sexual experience" by age 16. And then, once you're in college, it's just an expected thing. Sex is normal, natural, and boundless. Often times today a normal part of a dating relationship is even something called "sexting", where a girl sends nude pictures of herself via text message to a guy. How sad! It's clear in the Bible that sex is an act of marriage, and marriage alone. God never gives permission for anything sexual to take place outside of marriage. However, the world will try to convince you it's no different than a goodnight kiss. Please parents, teach your sons that they should not only respect other girls, but themselves as well. Teach them that sex isn't just a physical act, especially for a young woman. Teach them that often times the consequences vastly outweigh the pleasure. Sex IS intended for pleasure, once you're married. Your son should view other girls as "daughters of God", and respect them as much. This means, along with waiting until marriage for sex, to not look at a girl with lust. Hard to do, but nobody said following God's word was easy. Direct them in those ways!


The day will come where I'll start going on daddy/daughter dates with my girl. The day will come where a boy will write a "check yes or no" note to my daughter in class. The day will come that some boy will break my daughter's heart. The day will come where she goes on her first date. The day will come where some young man will ask for permission to marry my daughter. The day will come where I will walk her down the aisle and give her away to the love of her life.

And there's a chance that young man may be your son.

So please listen to my requests. I won't puff out my chest with bold statements like "she won't date 'til she's 35" or "I'll have a couple of shotguns waitin' on a boy that comes to me wanting to date my daughter!" But I am serious when I say this: your son better respect my daughter. If not because I said so, then because Jesus Christ commanded it (1 Pet. 3:7). Not just my daughter, but all little girls out there, because there's thousands of daddies of little girls that feel the same way I do.

6 Years and Counting...

It's difficult to really describe marriage. I've often thought about what I would recommend to a younger couple looking to get hitched regarding marriage. In part because I still feel at times like a newlywed myself, but more so because I feel a lot of times like I'm not in the best position to be dispensing advice on a topic that I'm still taking lessons on daily.

First of all, you have to take your vows seriously. It's not just a formality to get up in front of people and recite promises to your soon-to-be spouse. It's a whole-hearted commitment, one not to be taken lighty. Sadly, too many people today discard that wedding day promise as if it were made in haste, or as if it wasn't really intended to be serious.

On July 12, 2003, Kathryn and I made those vows to one another. We promised to ourselves and to God that we would always be there for each other, never failing in our love or honor for the other. That doesn't mean everything is perfect. It doesn't mean we don't have knock-down drag-out fights from time to time. It DOES mean, however, that we always promise to be there, for better or worse.

We'ce celebrated 6 years of marriage. As we enter into the seventh year, we know it's a volatile time. Year 7 is often a "make or break" year for marriages. Statistically, if couples can make it past their seventh year of marriage together, they usually make it for a lifetime.

Having a newborn arriving in August won't make things easy. Finances tightening won't make things easy. The stress of late night feedings and budget calculations will sometimes strain things. So what to do? Maintain focus on God's word to humbly submit to one another.

Do you know what that means? That I'm supposed to put my wife's needs above mine. That I'm to love her regardless of the way she loves me. That when times get tough, I don't walk out the door, but that I commit myself to my wife, my lover, my partner, and my best friend to work things out.

The best example of marriage to me has always been my parents. Their love and affection for one another hasn't wilted in their near 40 years of marriage. I can still remember my dad coming in from work when I was younger and walking straight over to my mom to greet her with a warm hug and a kiss. That's love. That's marriage. And all I hope for is that same love shared between Kathryn and I for many, many years to come.

Why You're Also To Blame for Jon and Kate's Divorce

Chances are, you did this. In fact, in all likelihood there's still blood on your hands from it. So tell me, how does it make you feel to tear apart a family with a mom, dad, and 8 kids?

I know, I know, it wasn't your intention. I guess from the start you were just simply entertained. But when things took a turn for the worse, you jumped on the TMZ train straight to "Happy Hour: Divorce Style" to get your fix on the latest break-up news. Only this time, it's not some A list actor splitting from his wife of 9 months. No, this is a family, one that began well over a decade ago. One that encompasses 10 people, 8 of which are age 6 or younger.

I can't be too harsh on you because, after all, I'm just as much a bearer of the blame. I tend to get a fix on these stories myself. It's so much more fun to watch people in the spotlight fail. After all, they get to be in that light, while we can only sit from afar and dream of just being in it's shadow.

If you were unsure of the exact situation I'm referring to here, be glad. Be content in being removed completely from this drama, one so disgustingly engrossing it's popularity spiked only when the worst moments arose. Jon and Kate Plus 8. The TLC reality show starring a big Brady Bunch like family, one with a set of twins and a set of septuplets. Only in this show, there seems to be no sweet Alice to help pull the troops together and smooth things over before the hour is over.

Jon and Kate announced publicly (via their show, of course) that they were filing for divorce. Cite different reasons all you want: she's too bossy, he's been cheating, they're exploiting their children, the stress of public life is too much, etc., but the only defining outcome of it all is this: two parents of 8 beautiful children are splitting up.

Understanding all the nooks and crannies that come with raising 8 kids (let alone doing so publicly) befuddles us "normal" people. We see this cast of characters as mere Monday evening entertainment. Quite frankly, it presents itself more of a fun show for our wives. However, now that things are falling apart, everyone wants to know about it. No sliver of gossip even this juicy escapes the interest of most Americans. But our reaction to the situation is what saddens me the most, and proves that we are becoming more and more numb to the idea of separation, divorce, and broken families.

Why is it we never talk much about the moments in a couple's life that go right? Why did TMZ and E! and those other stations not cover the times when Jon and Kate were reading bedtime stories to their children and having date nights and laughing and loving on camera?

Because we don't want that. A safe, strong, secure family is boring. We prove it with the ratings. You don't watch Entertainment Tonight to see which couples celebrated their 10th wedding anniversary. You watch it to see who's been caught red-handed with their secretary. Who's been out at the clubs with another man? Who filed for divorce among their other items on their daily check off list? Who's in alcohol rehab? Who was arrested for drug possession?

Perhaps even more tragic is that we react much the same to people in our every day lives who aren't daily tabloid fodder. Neighbors divorcing, co-workers cheating, family members going through depression. It's become all a big joke. Like screwing up is entertainment, and no price is too high to pay for it.

My hope is that we all will take a step back, and rather than label the Gosselins as "media whores" or as "just another reality show curse", we will instead be broken. That our hearts will break for any family going through tough situations. That we wouldn't simply sit comfortably in our chairs and become marriage therapists will all the advice and answers, but we would pray earnestly for family reconciliation. That we wouldn't turn our neighbor's issues into water cooler discussion, but we would seek out whole-hearted ways we can serve them in love.

And maybe, just maybe, we'll see Jon and Kate and any other families being torn apart as nothing but human beings on the other side of the camera, going through the same trials that we all go through. Then perhaps we could sympathize rather than judge and cast stones, and hopefully in turn not play the damning role of accomplices in a crime of breaking apart a family.

Admitting We Need Each Other: Not easy, but Necessary

For those of you that know me, you know my limited capabilities as a "handyman" or a "fix-it guy". Okay, so maybe it goes beyond limited, maybe non-existent? Somehow in all my years at home, I never really picked up on my dad's skills of fixing things around the house.

A prime example of my lack of mechanical fortitude is the fact that I rejoiced at installing my second ceiling fan, and it not taking me nearly two weeks to complete like the first one. That was a combination of several ingredients: lack of patience, failure to follow the directions, and perhaps most importantly, my stubborn refusal to seek help.

Often times there will be issues that arise around the house that I have very little clue on how to fix it. Rather than follow the sound advice of my wife, I continually claim I can handle the issue on my own. Typically I either screw things up, or it takes me much more time to handle the issue than it would with the benefit of a knowledgeable partner.

You can probably already see where I'm going with this. How many times do we act like this in regards to our own personal issues in our lives? We've all got so many things going on with our jobs and careers, with our spouses, with our children, and with our own personal struggles.


It's hard to ask for help. It's hard to admit that we have any struggles or problems. Because of that pride we have, we fail to fully immerse ourselves in what God would desire for the church. Men fail to admit problems with lust, anger, or feelings of inadequacy. Women feel unable to be open with other women for fear of judgement.

We find in reading Acts 2 that the early church meet together often for fellowship and to meet each other's needs. Is that how we view church today? Do you come to church to share your burdens and to carry the burdens of others? Do we fully value the bride of Christ as our family and irreplaceable community or brothers and sisters?

There are times I'm standing in a Home Depot store helping customers with questions about certain products. Occasionally I'll walk up on someone who obivously needs assistance, yet when I ask what they need help with, they'll say "I'm okay" or "I've got it figured out." Then 15 minutes later I'll walk down the aisle and see the same person standing there with the same confused look on their face.

That look is too much like what we as Christians wear on our faces. Looks of confusion, frustration, disappointment, and even hurt. We've got to come to the realization that church isn't just a building to sing songs in once a week. Church is a community where we come together to worship, pray, and serve one another. It's where we come because we understand that life isn't meant to be lived alone. We need each other.

10 Observations from a NASCAR Weekend

Some thoughts, frustrations, and appreciations from this past weekend's events at the Bristol Motor Speedway...

1) RACES ARE A WEEKEND EVENT, NOT JUST TWO HOURS OF ENTERTAINMENT. There were roughly 10-12 hours total of pure racing this weekend, but when there weren't things to do inside the track, there was certainly entertainment outside. Lots and lots of not only driver's merchandise booths but various vendor giving away a ton of free stuff.

2) COMBOS REALLY ARE A MAN'S FOOD. They're salty finger foods made with pretzels and a cheese inside. Are you kidding me? They're fantastic. Things are only better when a tent has them as free handouts.

3) BATHROOMS ARE AN ISSUE. There are only so many trailers outside the track for bathroom use, and let's face it, nobody finds using a porta-potty a real luxury.

4) THE SPONSORSHIP ASPECT IS BORDERLINE INSANE. I know everyone has their favorite drivers, but there's just something funny about seeing grown men walking around with huge jackets with a big M&Ms logo slathered across the chest. More disturbing are the women wearing the Viagra car aparell. It's to the point you can get a general idea of who a fan is rooting for based on their color scheme. Let's see...he's got green on. Must be the Scotts #60 Carl Edwards car or the #88 Amp Dale Jr. car. The guy with red? Gotta be a #14 Old Spice Tony Stewart fan or perhaps a #9 Bud Kasey Kahne fan. Yeesh.

5) HOW IS THIS STILL A REDNECK SPORT? Sure, the majority of customers purchasing 12 packs and packing extra koozies have either A) teeth missing, B) a mullet, or C) the word Earnhardt placed somewhere on their body, the fact is the technology that goes into these cars is mindblowing. The fact that just a few inches taken off a car and just a small chassis adjustment can make or break a driver. Awesome.

6) BRING EARPLUGS. When there's 43 souped-up car engines roaring around a tight half-mile track placed down in a bowl surrounded by 180,000 people, things get loud. I mean, you can either get earplugs, or go to a metal concert and stand right next to the speaker. The choice is yours.

7) SCANNERS ARE PERHAPS THE COOLEST WAY TO ENJOY NASCAR. If you've never been to a race, let me encourage you to rent a scanner before you go into the track. These nifty little radios come with headphones (also useful for blocking out noise) that allow you to listen to conversations between any driver and their pit crew during the race. For example, in Saturday's race I heard Kyle Busch give an expletive-laced tirade to his pit crew after they caused a violation for a lost tire. Sunday I switched back and forth from Jimmie Johnson's crew constantly updating him on who was in front or behind, as well as Kevin Harvick's frustration after wrecking just past the halfway point. Trust me, whatever car wrecks, turn to their frequency right after. It's most entertaining, and a feature you won't find in any other sport.

8) RACING CAN BE DULL. Sunday, I watched 503 laps of racing. Sure, it was fun, but there were certainly times where it was just watching Busch drive around an oval track while 42 cars followed behind him. NASCAR is a bit like hockey; you watch for the wrecks and the fights.

9) LIKE ANY SPORT, NASCAR IS BETTER WITH RIVALRY. Maybe rivalry isn't the best word, but it's more fun to watch a sport where you can hate someone almost as much as you cheer for your favorite driver. When Kyle Busch won Sunday, you saw thumbs down signs from fans, heard boos, and felt a general disgust with his victory. It's almost like we were sitting in Fenway, and Derek Jeter went 4-4 with a game winning homer. If all the drivers were likeable, what would be the point of cheering for just one or two?

10) MY IDEA TO MAKE NASCAR BETTER. Maybe it wouldn't go over well, but I'd like to see the team concept emphasized more. Perhaps split the drivers into 10 different teams comprised of 4 drivers each. Based on the combined performance from those 4 drivers, a team championship would be determined at the end of the year. The top individual driver could get a MVP award similar to what the NFL, NBA, MLB, and other sports do. Maybe it wouldn't work, but it would get guys like me who are used to rooting for teams more into NASCAR.

The Manliest Cities in America

A group called Sterling's Best Places recently came out with a study to determine America's "Manliest" cities. Taking the top 50 metropolitan areas in the nation, Sterling's used 5 basic criteria to determine a city's "manliness" ranking.

1) SPORTS. Including professional and collegiate events, NASCAR and NHRA events in close proximity, monster truck events, etc.
2) LIFESTYLE. This includes the registration of U.S. made cars, full-sized pickups, available locales for hunting and fishing, sports viewing areas and frequency, etc.
3) RETAILERS. Stores such as steakhouses, home improvement stores like Lowes and Home Depot, and sports bars enhance a city's manliness.
4) MAGAZINE SUBSCRIPTIONS. The amount of subscriptions to reads like Men's Health, Sports Illustrated, Playboy, Maxim, etc.
5) SALTY SNACK SALES. This is a rather irrelevant category, likely included if for no other reason than the fact that Combos snacks were a big sponsor for the study.

Sterling's also used 3 main criteria to determine possible manly detractors: categories that would trend more towards women. Those 3 areas were:

1) CARS. The higher the volume of minivans and foreign cars registered, the less manly the city.

2) RETAILERS. Stores that deal in home furnishings (Pier One, Pottery Barn), cafes, and sushi restraunts took away from a city's manliness.

3) MAGAZINE SUBSCRIPTIONS. Cities with a higher volume of subscriptions to magazines like Oprah, Martha Stewart Living, Real Simple, Vogue, etc. were obviously considered less manly.

So based on these findings, the 5 LEAST manly cities are

1) San Francisco
2) Oakland
3) Boston
4) Seattle
5) Denver

The 5 MOST manly cities are

1) Nashville, TN
2) Charlotte, NC
3) Oklahoma City
4) Cincinnati
5) Denver (somehow Denver makes both lists' #5 spot)

The funny thing about those lists are that the areas I'd rather live in show up more on the "less manly" list. If you look at all the cities, in the manly list, Indianapolis is ranked #9. #9 on the "less manly" list is San Diego. Seriously, how many of you would prefer to live in Indy instead of San Diego, which could have the best weather of any city in the entire world? But, I digress. (For full breakout list of the cities, go here http://www.bestplaces.net/docs/studies/manliest_cities.aspx)

The reason the study struck me was it's criteria. Listening to Colin Cowherd's show on ESPN Radio Thursday morning, he discussed what he thought makes a man and what doesn't make a man. He pointed out that having multiple tattoos doesn't make you a man. Having a gun rack doesn't make you a man. Driving a truck ten times bigger than you can afford doesn't grant you manhood.

So what does? Is it what this study suggests? Is it living within 45 minutes of a NASCAR track? Is it owning subscriptions to Maxim, Playboy, and Hustler? Is it eating a 70 ounce steak and downing a 13 pack of beer?

Cowherd gave 3 basic criteria for men. Tell me if this isn't brilliant.

FIRST, men are risk-takers. They gamble. There's a reason you don't have a lot of women dropping 50 bucks on a NCAA tournament pool, or hear many women dealing in fantasy sports. That's why so many Wall Street stock brokers are men: it's competitive. It's risk-taking. That's why, according to Cowherd, cities like Philadelphia and Pittsburgh don't make the cut. Nearly 75% of those cities' residents live within an hour of where they grew up. In other words, they never took a risk and moved away for college or for a job. Many get out of high school and go work at the family business the rest of their lives. There's nothing wrong with that, but it's not a risk. Manly men are the ones who move to the opposite coast to follow a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Manly men date women they know are out of their league. It's all about risk.

SECONDLY, men are leaders. Most of us just have that programmed in our DNA to take the lead. So cities that have a large collection of fraternal organizations and clubs don't qualify under the manly list because they deal with groups, not individuals. Manly men don't need other people to get by.

THIRDLY, and most importantly, manly men are responsible. They take care of their families. Travis Henry, the NFL player who has fathered 9 children by 9 different women, claimed last week he doesn't have money to pay child support because he spent it all during his playing years. He said "I have a big heart. I help people. I guess I never got into that saving thing." See, first of all, if you have 9 children, they become your top priority. Not your teammates, not your homies back from high school, not the one night stands on road trips, but your children. Manly men take responsibility for their family. If it requires the extra job working weekends or overnights, then so be it. If it requires leaving a business trip early to be home for your son's first t-ball game, you do it. That's what manly men do. They treat their wives with love and respect, because they made a choice to do so. They take care of their children and raise them right because they made that decision to do so.

I ask myself often where do I place myself in the "manly" question. I don't care much for hunting or fishing. I don't do much construction work around the house. I do love sports, and have a subscription to Sports Illustrated, and eat plenty of salty snacks. Does that make me a man? Maybe...maybe not. Really, who cares? I'll do the manliest thing I can do, and that's take care of my family.

But I'll eat some extra chips, just for good measure.

Thoughts on Our New President, His Inauguration, and Leaning Away from Extreme Views

The 44th President of the United States was sworn in this past week. His inauguration reached epic proportions leaving some to wonder if this was the President or Elvis resurrecting from the dead. A Woodstock-esque atmosphere in D.C. Tuesday served to remind all of us that America seems, at least in the broadest terms, to be happy again.

I didn't vote for him. In the summer I voted for Mike Huckabee in the primary, and then for John McCain in the November election. However, that's not to assume that McCain would have been my first choice. I don't think he was for many conservative Republicans. We simply didn't want a liberal in office. Unfortunately for us, most of America did.

That said, I'm not prepared to bash our new president. It will certainly take getting used to, saying President Obama when for 8 years we've had the name Bush following that prestigious title. I cannot say I agree with all of Obama's ideals and philosophies. However, I cannot attempt to say the man does not have the best interests of America and it's citizens at heart.

The biggest issue I've had with Obama's campaign and inauguration was actually not related to Barack Obama himself. It has to do with America's reaction to him (midly put), or in reality, their nauseating love affair with him.

It's easy to point fingers at the media, but they're the main ones to blame for a nation so hell-bent on crucifying former President Bush that they abandoned journalistic integrity to disgrace a man that was simply trying to do the same thing that President Obama is: making the USA a better place to live.

We've seen only negative images of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. We don't see the schools being built, communities thriving, and lives being saved. We're told to view Bush as a tyrant, a vllainous fool who's love of oil fuels his greed and motivates his brash decisions. We're told Bush is to blame for the economy, despite mountains of evidence pointing towards the greed of business men and poor policies enacted by previous presidents. We're told Bush is to blame for Hurrican Katrina, that it's his fault 2,000 lives were lost, and not anyone at the local or state government in Louisiana.

And to think, America used to not be this ignorant.

President Obama has all the makings of a great president. He's young and energetic, much like John Kennedy or Teddy Roosevelt. He speaks as well as any leader we've ever known. He comes across as calm, cool, and collected. He's got a beautiful family, one sure to be adored by Americans over the next 4 years. But the question is can he lead a nation?

I would implore fellow Christian conservatives to end the hate-fest. We have a new president. He may not be who you voted for, but for the next 4 years, Barack Obama is your president. I'm not his biggest fan, but I'll certainly support him as he leads our nation.

At the end of the day, he's just a president. Our authority goes much higher than the Oval Office. Derek Webb says it best: "My first allegiance is not to a flag, a country, or a man. My first allegiance is not to democracy or blood. It's to a King and a Kingdom."