10 Lessons I've Learned from My Father

1) Fathers are leaders, whether they accept it or not.

It seems obvious, but dads are commanded to be leaders of their family. My dad was a great leader for our family. Growing up, the he was there making the tough decisions, guiding us with wisdom as to which direction the family should go. Sure, his job demanded he be that, but it was because he was an extraordinary leader of his family that he could be successful at his career.

2) People don't remember your car, they remember your integrity.

Growing up, we were never fortunate enough to have the nicest car or clothes. We weren't in poverty by any means, but we lived according to our means. Through watching my dad, I realized material things mean nothing. It's the impact we leave on others. To this day, my dad gets phone calls and letters from those in his past that he had a profound impact on. That's a legacy that extends far beyond any vehicle.

3) It's okay to bend the rules now and then.

One of the fondest memories I have as a child was on a night while getting ready for bed. I must have been 7 or 8, facing the rigors of an 8:30 bedtime, just long enough for me to get to watch Alf. One night, out of the blue, dad came and got me and told me to get dressed. Little did I know he was taking me out to see the He-Man movie (my super hero at the time). It was such a huge thrill to not only be up past my normal bed time, but to actually be out in a movie theater with my dad watching a movie! I can't even remember much about the movie, but I can still remember how I felt that night, all because my dad bent the rules for me a bit.

4) Helping a stranger never hurt anyone.

Growing up in a pastor's house, you see things that are different than a typical kid sees. I saw my dad help countless numbers of people, be it strangers needing to make a phone call at 3:00 in the morning, or a horrific wreck on the highway. Some may say that he had to help people; that was his job. But those people don't know my dad. The compassion he has for people is overflowing, and I saw examples of it everywhere. He genuinely cares for people.

5) You have to shuck the corn before you can eat it.

I say shuck the corn, because as kids, we literally had to shuck corn. Or take peas out of the pod. Or pick okra and blueberries. We didn't do it all the time, but when it was time to do so, we pitched in. Not always voluntarily, mind you, but through those moments and other chores, I learned a strong work ethic. My dad worked hard at his job, but also when he was at home. He helped mom around the house, and did much of the work outside. The value of manual labor was not lost on me. My dad's work ethic wasn't either.

6) Make your children's interests your own.

My dad grew up as a FFA kid near Clemson, SC. I don't know how much interest he really had in sports before I came along. What I do know is that when I got to the right age, my dad was out every day with me in the spring and summer either shooting hoops or playing catch. I remember finding a field somewhere and me hitting balls to him and he back to me so I could practice fielding grounders. He saw the passion I had for sports and got involved, and helped me in every way possible. He was at nearly every single one of my games and practices. He was also my troop leader when I first began boy scouts. He took me camping, fishing, and to sporting events. I was one of the few kids that didn't just grow up with a dad. I grew up with a buddy to hang around with and have fun.

7) Your spouse is always first.

As much as my dad loves us kids (and his grandkids), that love still doesn't match the love he has for my mom. 40+ years of marriage, and they still act like teenagers in love. She's still the first one he greets when he gets home from work. She's the one he protects and looks out for. Many of the times I got punished growing up, it was because I had disrespected my mom. Dad would put up with a lot, but one of his own children disrespecting his wife was not something he tolerated. After seeing how many of my friends from college grew up with divorced parents, I gained a better respect for the love my parents share.

8) A strong man doesn't need to be loud.

No question my dad went through his fair share of adversity. Various issues in churches that he went through would cause most people to boil over in anger and frustration. Not my dad. He always maintained his composure through any trials he went through. His faith and confidence was in Christ, not in a church body or in other things. Dad never needed to be the loudest man in the room to be one of the strongest.

9) Physical touch isn't just a mom thing.

My dad is a rare man. Not a day went by when he didn't tell me he loved me and that he was proud of me. My dad hugged me. He'd put his arm around me when he saw I was down. When I was younger, we spent lots of time wrestling around, him letting me act as if I was the stronger of the two of us. Too many times, too many dads think hugging their kids is something that only moms do. My dad showed his affection for us kids by physical interaction.

10) How deep the love of Christ is.

Dad was a Southern Baptist pastor for well over 30 years. That's not what made him a Christian. His faith in Christ was personal, and one he shared with us regularly. We'd have devotions sometimes before school. We'd have them sometimes in the evenings. We'd pray before every meal. We'd pray during times of trouble. We'd pray to give God praise for blessings He'd given us. My dad exerts his inward faith in an outward way. He loves people. He goes out of his way to help others, be they strangers, neighbors, customers, old friends, or extended family. It's the most important lesson my dad has taught me: the boundless love of Christ.

Happy Father's Day to all the dads out there, but especially to mine, Arnold Becker, for being an incredible dad.

The Man Who Walks Alone

For the past several years at one of the Home Depot stores I visit regularly, I've seen an elderly couple walking. You know, like some folks like to do in the mall early in the morning, except these people do their exercising at Home Depot, making countless rounds from the entrance to the far right side of the store and all the way to the other end and back around. Regardless of the weather, you'd see these two walking at a pace that wasn't too fast but brisk enough to give proper exercise.

Last week in my visit to the store I saw the elderly gentleman making his rounds as usual, cap on his head and cane in hand, pressed shirt and khakis, almost as if he could be coming in to interview for a job but wouldn't mind too bad if he was turned down. I thought nothing of the fact his wife wasn't walking right beside him.

I came to find out she had passed away just weeks before. Then I find out they had been married for 59 years. Wow.

Let that sink in for a minute: 59 years ago, Harry Truman was president, the Peanuts comic strip was first published, Stevie Wonder and Tom Petty were born, and the first remote control for a TV was developed.

59 years ago there was no Internet or cable TV. Families were fortunate to have a telephone. There was no Internet, no facebook, and certainly, no blogs.

They were married through 12 presidents, 30 Olympics, 4 wars, and 2 new states being admitted to the union. 59 Christmases, anniversaries, and summers. Countless vacations, winter snows, and walks along autumn trails. Laughter, hugs, kisses, and kind words.

Now here this man is, doing what he knows to do on a Monday morning: go walk.

When I heard his story, about how he had walked all these years with his wife and how now his dear bride had departed after 59 years on this earth, I had to think about my own life, my own marriage.

How the words I said on July 12, 2003 will be my words until the day I leave this earth, be it in 59 years or tomorrow morning. I thought about how ridiculously undeserving I am to have a woman love me for such a long time as that.

I also wondered about those 59 years these people spent together, how if there were times he came home from work frustrated and caused a fight. Perhaps she spent too much money on shopping, causing a night of tension. Or the moments where irritation escalated into hurtful words. Days and week that maybe went by with few words spoken between them. Because in marriage, that can happen. The climax is what we decide to do with it. Do we stay or go? Do we forgive and love, or do we throw up our hands and walk out the door?

The bottom line for this man is this: in spite of how he might have been or how she might have been at certain moments, the commitment outweighed it all. Because marriage is a covenant not to be taken lightly. It's not a contract with negotiable loopholes to ease your way out of when things get tough. It's not a game that you can turn off when you feel like you're on the wrong end of some imaginary score. It's not a selfish act of desperation in which to use another person for your own desires, then leave them all alone. It's not a blaming match where you've got permission to give up when the other person does you wrong.

Marriage is a choice. A commitment. A promise that even when I might wake up unhappy with my spouse, that I commit to work and get things back on track.

God bless anyone in today's world that makes it 59 years of marriage. God bless anyone who truly lives out the wedding vow "til death do us part". God bless the man who now walks alone.

Thirty-Five Days of Fatherhood

Perhaps the loneliest time in my life came around 10:20 on the morning of August 18, 2009. There I sat, covered in hospital garb from head to toe awaiting entry into the operating room where my wife Kathryn was in the midst of having a spinal injection to numb her from the pain of a c-section. In that moment, I had roughly five minutes of time alone to myself, perched on a clean wooden bench just outside the room where my wife and a team of doctors and nurses were prepping for what can be described as nothing less than an awe-inspiring moment.

I spent that time alone avoiding thoughts of anxiousness as I awaited the go ahead to enter the room. I thought about a million things: the doctors performing the c-section, the discomfort of being draped in a long paper robe, what I had eaten for breakfast, if we were choosing the right name for our child, etc. I thought about the thousands of other husbands that had sat in the exact spot I was sitting, pondering whether or not they were really good enough, strong enough, stable enough, mature enough, and gentle enough to contain the blessing that was about to change their lives.

I thought about how life can be unfair. How nearly 6 years ago we had gone through a miscarriage, and just this past Christmas were scared it was happening again. I thought about men who never get to experience the joy of this moment. I thought about the women who try for years in heartache and frustration, only to find they'll never be able to birth a child of their own.

From the time I was summoned to join my wife in the room surrounded by masked men and women who all likely spent half their adult lives to gain access to perform such invasive tasks to the human body, I was numb. Partially scared, yes, but mostly feeling so unworthy of the very moment I was in. Of feeling nearly ashamed that I would be given the great responsibility to care for another human being when so many times I had failed in taking care of my wife and even myself.

But that's part of the beauty of it. God was gracious enough to see past that and carry out His plans. His will was taking place, and none of my feelings of inadequacy would change that.

And so at 10:52 a.m., Macy Claire Becker entered this world without much of a sound, just a few small whimpers. It wasn't but a few minutes later the nurse handed this seven pound, 19 inch bundle of wonder to me, almost as if she presumed I knew what to do with her.

Now movie scripts and poets will describe such a moment in flowery language, as if some magic spark had taken place. I suppose you could say that's true, because I'll never forget the first moment that baby girl looked into my eyes with curious wonder, unsure of the cold surroundings around her. How witnessing a miracle first hand could change a man.

As these days and weeks have passed, I've completely fallen in love with her. The way she smiles when she's sleeping, the noises she makes as she eats, the exploratory nature of kicking feet and arms flinging. How every single movement she makes is ordained and planned by God.

And the beauty of it all is that I've only got 35 days down, with an eternity still to go.

10 Prayers for my Baby Girl

1) I pray that she'll be healthy. I know that sounds cliche and simplistic, but it's really the first desire for us to have a healthy child. My prayer is that she'll not be afflicted with much illness, pain, or discomfort.

2) I pray that she'll know love. That she'll know love from us, her parents. That she'll know that everything we do is in her best interest. That she'll know love from our families. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and future siblings. I pray she'll know love from her friends, from preschool classmates to college roommates. I pray she'll know love from the church as she grows in her relationship with Christ. I pray she'll know love from her future husband to carry her through her adult life. I pray most of all she'll know the love of God and that His love is the greatest of all!

3) I pray she'll realize she's beautiful. That she'll not use what this world has as it's standard of beauty, but that she'll delight herself in the Lord as an image bearer of God. That she'll know the depth of her beauty begins in her likeness of Christ.

4) I pray she'll follow the desires of her heart. As long as it pleases God, I hope she'll chase her dreams. If she wants to be a paint, we'll get her brushes and canvas. If she wants to be a lawyer, we'll work extra hours to put her through law school. If she wants to be a writer, we'll get all the paper and pens she needs. I pray she'll never ever be afraid to chase the dreams God has placed in her heart.

5) I pray she comes to know Christ at an early age. I pray she'll learn stories from the Bible when shes young. I pray God will turn her heart towards him early in her life. I pray we'll be parents who teach her God's word.

6) I pray she'll grow into a strong woman. I pray she won't let the things of this world bring her down. I pray no man will ever treat her as anything less than a daughter of God. I pray she'll be confident in herself. I pray she'll depend solely on Christ, and nothing other than Him.

7) I pray she'll understand life is about moments, not things. I look back on my childhood and couldn't tell you 10 different toys I owned. But I could tell you the times my dad played catch with me. I remember mom tucking me in every night. I remember my parents being there for every lame band recital, every little league game, and every Christmas play. I remember vacations to the beach and mountains. I remember shooting hoops and homemade ice cream. I remember driving lessons in church parking lots. I remember the moments with my parents, not the things they gave me. I pray the same goes with our daughter. I pray she'll remember not the Christmas or birthday presents, but the daddy-daughter dates. The apple-picking trips with the family. Manicures and pedicures with mom. I pray she remembers MOMENTS, not material posessions.

8) I pray that she'll want to play sports, but still be a girly girl! This is selfish, I know, but it's worth a shot right? I pray that I can help our daughter to shoot a basketball or to kick a soccer ball. At the same time, I want her to be feminine, to see her mom dressing up and want to wear the earrings and lip gloss like her.

9) I pray that she will learn from mistakes and heart breaks. This is the toughest of all to pray, because it's facing an inevitability: some time, probably more than once, she'll mess up or get hurt. I pray she'll not be discouraged, but learn from those incidents and carry on with hope and confidence.

10) I pray she'll look just like her mom. Never was I blessed in my life as I was the day I married Kathryn. She's the most beautiful woman in the world to me, and I pray that our daughter has her same looks. That she has the radiant smile, the olive complextion, the smooth skin, and gorgeous eyes. I pray that she'll realize just how much I love her mom and find her beautiful.

A Plea To Parents of Little Boys

I'm roughly a month or so away from adding a new label onto my life: father. And if you think that sounds like just another step, to me it seems so out of place. The word father seems to carry a sense of maturity to it. Because now you're not only responsible for yourself, but for an entire other life. One totally dependent on you to clothe, feed, clean, stimulate, play with, read to, hug and kiss, and sacrificially love daily. And lucky me, I've got to do all this with a little girl! Not that I'm not excited, but it sure is intimidating!

I've been thinking a lot recently about how Kathryn and I are to raise this little girl in today's world. A world filled with such crudeness and sin that it causes me to shiver just thinking about not being with my daughter for a single moment to protect her. So I wanted to write a blog directed to the parents of young boys out there. Just a few requests:


1) Teach them to respect other girls as the weaker sex. We lived in a society where gender lines are often blurred. The feminist movement has leveled the playing field for men and women, and both genders have felt reprecussions. While some good things have come of it, it has also taught us that females are to be treated no differently than men. That's bogus. It's obvious we were created differently. Women are weaker physically than men and often times emotionally. PLEASE teach your boys to respect girls. It goes beyond just holding doors and lifting heavy things for them. It's respecting their hearts to never break them, their minds to never discourage them, and their bodies to never defile them. We are all image bearers of God.

2) Respecting other girls starts at home. Fathers (and husbands), if you are crude, crass, mean, rude, disrespectful, slanderous, abusive (physically or verbally), harsh, condescending, or arrogant towards your wives at home, your son WILL see that, and he will most likely view that as how women are to be treated. If you have negative things to say towards your spouse, you NEVER do so in front of your children. That doesn't mean it's okay to do it in private unless it's a civil discussion between both of you. As a child, the worst punishments I received (and the most painful spankings, for that matter) were when my father found out I had disrespected my mother. His love for her showed me that I was to love her and respect her because HE did. Dads, love your wives (Eph. 5:25-27). Your children are watching.

3) Teach your son that sex is for marriage. The saddest part of today's world to me is how open and disclosing people are with their sexuality. As someone that is going to be raising a girl, it scares me to death. In today's world, girls are pregnant in some cases at age 13. Many girls will have their first "sexual experience" by age 16. And then, once you're in college, it's just an expected thing. Sex is normal, natural, and boundless. Often times today a normal part of a dating relationship is even something called "sexting", where a girl sends nude pictures of herself via text message to a guy. How sad! It's clear in the Bible that sex is an act of marriage, and marriage alone. God never gives permission for anything sexual to take place outside of marriage. However, the world will try to convince you it's no different than a goodnight kiss. Please parents, teach your sons that they should not only respect other girls, but themselves as well. Teach them that sex isn't just a physical act, especially for a young woman. Teach them that often times the consequences vastly outweigh the pleasure. Sex IS intended for pleasure, once you're married. Your son should view other girls as "daughters of God", and respect them as much. This means, along with waiting until marriage for sex, to not look at a girl with lust. Hard to do, but nobody said following God's word was easy. Direct them in those ways!


The day will come where I'll start going on daddy/daughter dates with my girl. The day will come where a boy will write a "check yes or no" note to my daughter in class. The day will come that some boy will break my daughter's heart. The day will come where she goes on her first date. The day will come where some young man will ask for permission to marry my daughter. The day will come where I will walk her down the aisle and give her away to the love of her life.

And there's a chance that young man may be your son.

So please listen to my requests. I won't puff out my chest with bold statements like "she won't date 'til she's 35" or "I'll have a couple of shotguns waitin' on a boy that comes to me wanting to date my daughter!" But I am serious when I say this: your son better respect my daughter. If not because I said so, then because Jesus Christ commanded it (1 Pet. 3:7). Not just my daughter, but all little girls out there, because there's thousands of daddies of little girls that feel the same way I do.

6 Years and Counting...

It's difficult to really describe marriage. I've often thought about what I would recommend to a younger couple looking to get hitched regarding marriage. In part because I still feel at times like a newlywed myself, but more so because I feel a lot of times like I'm not in the best position to be dispensing advice on a topic that I'm still taking lessons on daily.

First of all, you have to take your vows seriously. It's not just a formality to get up in front of people and recite promises to your soon-to-be spouse. It's a whole-hearted commitment, one not to be taken lighty. Sadly, too many people today discard that wedding day promise as if it were made in haste, or as if it wasn't really intended to be serious.

On July 12, 2003, Kathryn and I made those vows to one another. We promised to ourselves and to God that we would always be there for each other, never failing in our love or honor for the other. That doesn't mean everything is perfect. It doesn't mean we don't have knock-down drag-out fights from time to time. It DOES mean, however, that we always promise to be there, for better or worse.

We'ce celebrated 6 years of marriage. As we enter into the seventh year, we know it's a volatile time. Year 7 is often a "make or break" year for marriages. Statistically, if couples can make it past their seventh year of marriage together, they usually make it for a lifetime.

Having a newborn arriving in August won't make things easy. Finances tightening won't make things easy. The stress of late night feedings and budget calculations will sometimes strain things. So what to do? Maintain focus on God's word to humbly submit to one another.

Do you know what that means? That I'm supposed to put my wife's needs above mine. That I'm to love her regardless of the way she loves me. That when times get tough, I don't walk out the door, but that I commit myself to my wife, my lover, my partner, and my best friend to work things out.

The best example of marriage to me has always been my parents. Their love and affection for one another hasn't wilted in their near 40 years of marriage. I can still remember my dad coming in from work when I was younger and walking straight over to my mom to greet her with a warm hug and a kiss. That's love. That's marriage. And all I hope for is that same love shared between Kathryn and I for many, many years to come.

Why You're Also To Blame for Jon and Kate's Divorce

Chances are, you did this. In fact, in all likelihood there's still blood on your hands from it. So tell me, how does it make you feel to tear apart a family with a mom, dad, and 8 kids?

I know, I know, it wasn't your intention. I guess from the start you were just simply entertained. But when things took a turn for the worse, you jumped on the TMZ train straight to "Happy Hour: Divorce Style" to get your fix on the latest break-up news. Only this time, it's not some A list actor splitting from his wife of 9 months. No, this is a family, one that began well over a decade ago. One that encompasses 10 people, 8 of which are age 6 or younger.

I can't be too harsh on you because, after all, I'm just as much a bearer of the blame. I tend to get a fix on these stories myself. It's so much more fun to watch people in the spotlight fail. After all, they get to be in that light, while we can only sit from afar and dream of just being in it's shadow.

If you were unsure of the exact situation I'm referring to here, be glad. Be content in being removed completely from this drama, one so disgustingly engrossing it's popularity spiked only when the worst moments arose. Jon and Kate Plus 8. The TLC reality show starring a big Brady Bunch like family, one with a set of twins and a set of septuplets. Only in this show, there seems to be no sweet Alice to help pull the troops together and smooth things over before the hour is over.

Jon and Kate announced publicly (via their show, of course) that they were filing for divorce. Cite different reasons all you want: she's too bossy, he's been cheating, they're exploiting their children, the stress of public life is too much, etc., but the only defining outcome of it all is this: two parents of 8 beautiful children are splitting up.

Understanding all the nooks and crannies that come with raising 8 kids (let alone doing so publicly) befuddles us "normal" people. We see this cast of characters as mere Monday evening entertainment. Quite frankly, it presents itself more of a fun show for our wives. However, now that things are falling apart, everyone wants to know about it. No sliver of gossip even this juicy escapes the interest of most Americans. But our reaction to the situation is what saddens me the most, and proves that we are becoming more and more numb to the idea of separation, divorce, and broken families.

Why is it we never talk much about the moments in a couple's life that go right? Why did TMZ and E! and those other stations not cover the times when Jon and Kate were reading bedtime stories to their children and having date nights and laughing and loving on camera?

Because we don't want that. A safe, strong, secure family is boring. We prove it with the ratings. You don't watch Entertainment Tonight to see which couples celebrated their 10th wedding anniversary. You watch it to see who's been caught red-handed with their secretary. Who's been out at the clubs with another man? Who filed for divorce among their other items on their daily check off list? Who's in alcohol rehab? Who was arrested for drug possession?

Perhaps even more tragic is that we react much the same to people in our every day lives who aren't daily tabloid fodder. Neighbors divorcing, co-workers cheating, family members going through depression. It's become all a big joke. Like screwing up is entertainment, and no price is too high to pay for it.

My hope is that we all will take a step back, and rather than label the Gosselins as "media whores" or as "just another reality show curse", we will instead be broken. That our hearts will break for any family going through tough situations. That we wouldn't simply sit comfortably in our chairs and become marriage therapists will all the advice and answers, but we would pray earnestly for family reconciliation. That we wouldn't turn our neighbor's issues into water cooler discussion, but we would seek out whole-hearted ways we can serve them in love.

And maybe, just maybe, we'll see Jon and Kate and any other families being torn apart as nothing but human beings on the other side of the camera, going through the same trials that we all go through. Then perhaps we could sympathize rather than judge and cast stones, and hopefully in turn not play the damning role of accomplices in a crime of breaking apart a family.

Admitting We Need Each Other: Not easy, but Necessary

For those of you that know me, you know my limited capabilities as a "handyman" or a "fix-it guy". Okay, so maybe it goes beyond limited, maybe non-existent? Somehow in all my years at home, I never really picked up on my dad's skills of fixing things around the house.

A prime example of my lack of mechanical fortitude is the fact that I rejoiced at installing my second ceiling fan, and it not taking me nearly two weeks to complete like the first one. That was a combination of several ingredients: lack of patience, failure to follow the directions, and perhaps most importantly, my stubborn refusal to seek help.

Often times there will be issues that arise around the house that I have very little clue on how to fix it. Rather than follow the sound advice of my wife, I continually claim I can handle the issue on my own. Typically I either screw things up, or it takes me much more time to handle the issue than it would with the benefit of a knowledgeable partner.

You can probably already see where I'm going with this. How many times do we act like this in regards to our own personal issues in our lives? We've all got so many things going on with our jobs and careers, with our spouses, with our children, and with our own personal struggles.


It's hard to ask for help. It's hard to admit that we have any struggles or problems. Because of that pride we have, we fail to fully immerse ourselves in what God would desire for the church. Men fail to admit problems with lust, anger, or feelings of inadequacy. Women feel unable to be open with other women for fear of judgement.

We find in reading Acts 2 that the early church meet together often for fellowship and to meet each other's needs. Is that how we view church today? Do you come to church to share your burdens and to carry the burdens of others? Do we fully value the bride of Christ as our family and irreplaceable community or brothers and sisters?

There are times I'm standing in a Home Depot store helping customers with questions about certain products. Occasionally I'll walk up on someone who obivously needs assistance, yet when I ask what they need help with, they'll say "I'm okay" or "I've got it figured out." Then 15 minutes later I'll walk down the aisle and see the same person standing there with the same confused look on their face.

That look is too much like what we as Christians wear on our faces. Looks of confusion, frustration, disappointment, and even hurt. We've got to come to the realization that church isn't just a building to sing songs in once a week. Church is a community where we come together to worship, pray, and serve one another. It's where we come because we understand that life isn't meant to be lived alone. We need each other.

10 Observations from a NASCAR Weekend

Some thoughts, frustrations, and appreciations from this past weekend's events at the Bristol Motor Speedway...

1) RACES ARE A WEEKEND EVENT, NOT JUST TWO HOURS OF ENTERTAINMENT. There were roughly 10-12 hours total of pure racing this weekend, but when there weren't things to do inside the track, there was certainly entertainment outside. Lots and lots of not only driver's merchandise booths but various vendor giving away a ton of free stuff.

2) COMBOS REALLY ARE A MAN'S FOOD. They're salty finger foods made with pretzels and a cheese inside. Are you kidding me? They're fantastic. Things are only better when a tent has them as free handouts.

3) BATHROOMS ARE AN ISSUE. There are only so many trailers outside the track for bathroom use, and let's face it, nobody finds using a porta-potty a real luxury.

4) THE SPONSORSHIP ASPECT IS BORDERLINE INSANE. I know everyone has their favorite drivers, but there's just something funny about seeing grown men walking around with huge jackets with a big M&Ms logo slathered across the chest. More disturbing are the women wearing the Viagra car aparell. It's to the point you can get a general idea of who a fan is rooting for based on their color scheme. Let's see...he's got green on. Must be the Scotts #60 Carl Edwards car or the #88 Amp Dale Jr. car. The guy with red? Gotta be a #14 Old Spice Tony Stewart fan or perhaps a #9 Bud Kasey Kahne fan. Yeesh.

5) HOW IS THIS STILL A REDNECK SPORT? Sure, the majority of customers purchasing 12 packs and packing extra koozies have either A) teeth missing, B) a mullet, or C) the word Earnhardt placed somewhere on their body, the fact is the technology that goes into these cars is mindblowing. The fact that just a few inches taken off a car and just a small chassis adjustment can make or break a driver. Awesome.

6) BRING EARPLUGS. When there's 43 souped-up car engines roaring around a tight half-mile track placed down in a bowl surrounded by 180,000 people, things get loud. I mean, you can either get earplugs, or go to a metal concert and stand right next to the speaker. The choice is yours.

7) SCANNERS ARE PERHAPS THE COOLEST WAY TO ENJOY NASCAR. If you've never been to a race, let me encourage you to rent a scanner before you go into the track. These nifty little radios come with headphones (also useful for blocking out noise) that allow you to listen to conversations between any driver and their pit crew during the race. For example, in Saturday's race I heard Kyle Busch give an expletive-laced tirade to his pit crew after they caused a violation for a lost tire. Sunday I switched back and forth from Jimmie Johnson's crew constantly updating him on who was in front or behind, as well as Kevin Harvick's frustration after wrecking just past the halfway point. Trust me, whatever car wrecks, turn to their frequency right after. It's most entertaining, and a feature you won't find in any other sport.

8) RACING CAN BE DULL. Sunday, I watched 503 laps of racing. Sure, it was fun, but there were certainly times where it was just watching Busch drive around an oval track while 42 cars followed behind him. NASCAR is a bit like hockey; you watch for the wrecks and the fights.

9) LIKE ANY SPORT, NASCAR IS BETTER WITH RIVALRY. Maybe rivalry isn't the best word, but it's more fun to watch a sport where you can hate someone almost as much as you cheer for your favorite driver. When Kyle Busch won Sunday, you saw thumbs down signs from fans, heard boos, and felt a general disgust with his victory. It's almost like we were sitting in Fenway, and Derek Jeter went 4-4 with a game winning homer. If all the drivers were likeable, what would be the point of cheering for just one or two?

10) MY IDEA TO MAKE NASCAR BETTER. Maybe it wouldn't go over well, but I'd like to see the team concept emphasized more. Perhaps split the drivers into 10 different teams comprised of 4 drivers each. Based on the combined performance from those 4 drivers, a team championship would be determined at the end of the year. The top individual driver could get a MVP award similar to what the NFL, NBA, MLB, and other sports do. Maybe it wouldn't work, but it would get guys like me who are used to rooting for teams more into NASCAR.

The Manliest Cities in America

A group called Sterling's Best Places recently came out with a study to determine America's "Manliest" cities. Taking the top 50 metropolitan areas in the nation, Sterling's used 5 basic criteria to determine a city's "manliness" ranking.

1) SPORTS. Including professional and collegiate events, NASCAR and NHRA events in close proximity, monster truck events, etc.
2) LIFESTYLE. This includes the registration of U.S. made cars, full-sized pickups, available locales for hunting and fishing, sports viewing areas and frequency, etc.
3) RETAILERS. Stores such as steakhouses, home improvement stores like Lowes and Home Depot, and sports bars enhance a city's manliness.
4) MAGAZINE SUBSCRIPTIONS. The amount of subscriptions to reads like Men's Health, Sports Illustrated, Playboy, Maxim, etc.
5) SALTY SNACK SALES. This is a rather irrelevant category, likely included if for no other reason than the fact that Combos snacks were a big sponsor for the study.

Sterling's also used 3 main criteria to determine possible manly detractors: categories that would trend more towards women. Those 3 areas were:

1) CARS. The higher the volume of minivans and foreign cars registered, the less manly the city.

2) RETAILERS. Stores that deal in home furnishings (Pier One, Pottery Barn), cafes, and sushi restraunts took away from a city's manliness.

3) MAGAZINE SUBSCRIPTIONS. Cities with a higher volume of subscriptions to magazines like Oprah, Martha Stewart Living, Real Simple, Vogue, etc. were obviously considered less manly.

So based on these findings, the 5 LEAST manly cities are

1) San Francisco
2) Oakland
3) Boston
4) Seattle
5) Denver

The 5 MOST manly cities are

1) Nashville, TN
2) Charlotte, NC
3) Oklahoma City
4) Cincinnati
5) Denver (somehow Denver makes both lists' #5 spot)

The funny thing about those lists are that the areas I'd rather live in show up more on the "less manly" list. If you look at all the cities, in the manly list, Indianapolis is ranked #9. #9 on the "less manly" list is San Diego. Seriously, how many of you would prefer to live in Indy instead of San Diego, which could have the best weather of any city in the entire world? But, I digress. (For full breakout list of the cities, go here http://www.bestplaces.net/docs/studies/manliest_cities.aspx)

The reason the study struck me was it's criteria. Listening to Colin Cowherd's show on ESPN Radio Thursday morning, he discussed what he thought makes a man and what doesn't make a man. He pointed out that having multiple tattoos doesn't make you a man. Having a gun rack doesn't make you a man. Driving a truck ten times bigger than you can afford doesn't grant you manhood.

So what does? Is it what this study suggests? Is it living within 45 minutes of a NASCAR track? Is it owning subscriptions to Maxim, Playboy, and Hustler? Is it eating a 70 ounce steak and downing a 13 pack of beer?

Cowherd gave 3 basic criteria for men. Tell me if this isn't brilliant.

FIRST, men are risk-takers. They gamble. There's a reason you don't have a lot of women dropping 50 bucks on a NCAA tournament pool, or hear many women dealing in fantasy sports. That's why so many Wall Street stock brokers are men: it's competitive. It's risk-taking. That's why, according to Cowherd, cities like Philadelphia and Pittsburgh don't make the cut. Nearly 75% of those cities' residents live within an hour of where they grew up. In other words, they never took a risk and moved away for college or for a job. Many get out of high school and go work at the family business the rest of their lives. There's nothing wrong with that, but it's not a risk. Manly men are the ones who move to the opposite coast to follow a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Manly men date women they know are out of their league. It's all about risk.

SECONDLY, men are leaders. Most of us just have that programmed in our DNA to take the lead. So cities that have a large collection of fraternal organizations and clubs don't qualify under the manly list because they deal with groups, not individuals. Manly men don't need other people to get by.

THIRDLY, and most importantly, manly men are responsible. They take care of their families. Travis Henry, the NFL player who has fathered 9 children by 9 different women, claimed last week he doesn't have money to pay child support because he spent it all during his playing years. He said "I have a big heart. I help people. I guess I never got into that saving thing." See, first of all, if you have 9 children, they become your top priority. Not your teammates, not your homies back from high school, not the one night stands on road trips, but your children. Manly men take responsibility for their family. If it requires the extra job working weekends or overnights, then so be it. If it requires leaving a business trip early to be home for your son's first t-ball game, you do it. That's what manly men do. They treat their wives with love and respect, because they made a choice to do so. They take care of their children and raise them right because they made that decision to do so.

I ask myself often where do I place myself in the "manly" question. I don't care much for hunting or fishing. I don't do much construction work around the house. I do love sports, and have a subscription to Sports Illustrated, and eat plenty of salty snacks. Does that make me a man? Maybe...maybe not. Really, who cares? I'll do the manliest thing I can do, and that's take care of my family.

But I'll eat some extra chips, just for good measure.

Thoughts on Our New President, His Inauguration, and Leaning Away from Extreme Views

The 44th President of the United States was sworn in this past week. His inauguration reached epic proportions leaving some to wonder if this was the President or Elvis resurrecting from the dead. A Woodstock-esque atmosphere in D.C. Tuesday served to remind all of us that America seems, at least in the broadest terms, to be happy again.

I didn't vote for him. In the summer I voted for Mike Huckabee in the primary, and then for John McCain in the November election. However, that's not to assume that McCain would have been my first choice. I don't think he was for many conservative Republicans. We simply didn't want a liberal in office. Unfortunately for us, most of America did.

That said, I'm not prepared to bash our new president. It will certainly take getting used to, saying President Obama when for 8 years we've had the name Bush following that prestigious title. I cannot say I agree with all of Obama's ideals and philosophies. However, I cannot attempt to say the man does not have the best interests of America and it's citizens at heart.

The biggest issue I've had with Obama's campaign and inauguration was actually not related to Barack Obama himself. It has to do with America's reaction to him (midly put), or in reality, their nauseating love affair with him.

It's easy to point fingers at the media, but they're the main ones to blame for a nation so hell-bent on crucifying former President Bush that they abandoned journalistic integrity to disgrace a man that was simply trying to do the same thing that President Obama is: making the USA a better place to live.

We've seen only negative images of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. We don't see the schools being built, communities thriving, and lives being saved. We're told to view Bush as a tyrant, a vllainous fool who's love of oil fuels his greed and motivates his brash decisions. We're told Bush is to blame for the economy, despite mountains of evidence pointing towards the greed of business men and poor policies enacted by previous presidents. We're told Bush is to blame for Hurrican Katrina, that it's his fault 2,000 lives were lost, and not anyone at the local or state government in Louisiana.

And to think, America used to not be this ignorant.

President Obama has all the makings of a great president. He's young and energetic, much like John Kennedy or Teddy Roosevelt. He speaks as well as any leader we've ever known. He comes across as calm, cool, and collected. He's got a beautiful family, one sure to be adored by Americans over the next 4 years. But the question is can he lead a nation?

I would implore fellow Christian conservatives to end the hate-fest. We have a new president. He may not be who you voted for, but for the next 4 years, Barack Obama is your president. I'm not his biggest fan, but I'll certainly support him as he leads our nation.

At the end of the day, he's just a president. Our authority goes much higher than the Oval Office. Derek Webb says it best: "My first allegiance is not to a flag, a country, or a man. My first allegiance is not to democracy or blood. It's to a King and a Kingdom."

What Gives You Pleasure?

I recently dusted off an older Caedmon's Call cd that I hadn't listened to in a while. On track 2 of the cd, the chorus states

"You created nothing/ that gives me more pleasure than You."


That one line really made me think: did God really intend for nothing else on this earth to give us pleasure like Him? Sure, we're all blessed by God with particular people and things that give us pleasure. But if we concentrate too much on that, we become much like the pagans, who worship creation but not the Creator.

God wants us to take pleasure in Him. GREAT pleasure. I've thought about that and wondered how does pleasure in God look? I think it starts with contentment in our hearts. When we are truly satisfied with Christ and truly take the gospel to heart, it's then we're truly wrapped up in the joy Christ gives. We can take pleasure in the fact that God loves us regardless of what we look like on the inside. Regardless of our thoughts, words, our history, and even our future, God loves us. And not with just a casual, conditional love. It's with a saving grace, a man unabashedly chasing his bride, despite her adulterous lies and deceit. That's God's love. How can we not find pleasure in that?

David writes in Psalm 16:11 "You will teach me how to live a holy life. Being with you will fill me with joy; at your right hand I will find pleasure forever."

Not just pleasure for a day. Not just for the happy moments in our life. Forever.

How have you discovered pleasure in God today? What characteristics of God are you truly rejoicing in today?

Wrapping up 2008

What a crazy year! A new president, a bad economy, and crazy stories from sports and entertainment. Let's take a moment to reflect on the best and worst of 2008.


BEST SPORTS STORY: Michael Phelps. Hands down the most compelling sports story of the year. I think just for fun he should compete in the 2012 games while actually wearing all 8 Gold Medals as he swims. Honorable Mention: Tampa Bay Rays, Josh Hamilton, Boston Celtics.

BEST SPORTING EVENT/GAME: The Men's Wimbledon Final. Rarely do we see athletes pushed to the brink of mere survival in a single event. The 2008 Wimbledon final between Rafael Nadal and Roger Federer gave us just that. Including 2 rain delays, the match lasted roughly 7 hours. Nadal finally was able to put away his old nemesis for the first time in Wimbledon history. Honorable Mention: Super Bowl 43, Kansas vs. Memphis NCAA basketball final, Texas vs. Texas Tech NCAA football.

COLLEGE ATHLETE OF THE YEAR: Candace Parker, Tennessee Lady Vols. Say what you want about women's basketball, but you can't deny the sheer dominance portrayed by Candace Parker this past year. Not only did she lead her team to their 2nd consecutive national title, she won the SEC Player of the Year, Wooden Award (national POY), NCAA Tournament MVP, and eventually went on the win the Rookie of the Year in the WNBA. Honorable Mention: Tim Tebow, Tyler Hansbrough, Graham Harrell.

COACH/MANAGER OF THE YEAR: Chad Knauss, Jimmie Johnson's Crew Chief. Like 7 NASCAR Nextel Cup wins and 15 top five finishes this season wasn't enough, how about helping the 48 car win it's third straight NASCAR championship? That's impressive no matter what driver you root for. Honorable Mention: Joe Maddon (TB Rays), Nick Saban (Alabama), Tom Coughlin (NY Giants).

TEAM OF THE YEAR: Tampa Bay Rays. It's tough to decide among all the possible candidates for this one, but when your entire team's payroll doesn't even equal a fifth of the Yankees or Red Sox, yet you still win the division, that deserves a tip of the hat. Honorable Mention: Boston Celtics, Philadelphia Phillies, Kansas Jayhawks Basketball.

MOVIE OF THE YEAR: Dark Knight. Perhaps it was a bit overhyped, but for the most part, it lived up to the billing. Heath Ledger played what was by far the most convincing and truly eerie villain that the Batman series has ever seen. Honorable Mention: Baby Mama, No Country For Old Men, 21.

SONG OF THE YEAR: "Viva La Vida" by Coldplay. The music is phenomenal overall, which we've come to expect from this band. Honorable Mention: "So What", Pink; "I'm Still A Guy", Brad Paisley; "Swagger Like Us", T.I., Jay-Z, Kanye West, Lil' Wayne.

ALBUM OF THE YEAR: "808s and Heartbreaks" by Kanye West. Take everything you already know about Kanye and throw it out the window. This album shows more creativity and less "preppie" rap; more heart felt soul and less redundant references to dropping out of school. Honorable Mention: "Death Magnetic", Metallica; "Viva La Vida", Coldplay; "Paper Trail", T.I.

WEBSITE OF THE YEAR: facebook.com They complained in the beginning, but I don't know of too many that still don't like the new facebook format. Yes, the status updates get a bit annoying, but they certainly provide up to the minute info, even on the random person from high school who you don't really remember but don't want to feel like a jerk by denying their friend request. Awesome. Honorable Mention: yardbarker.com, failblog.org, drudgereport.com

COMMERCIAL OF THE YEAR: Ozzy Osbourne AT&T Cell Phone Text. If you know anything at all about the former Black Sabbath frontman, you know that you can't understand what he's saying. AT&T does a great job playing off that in this ad:
'>http://


WOMAN OF THE YEAR: Sarah Palin, Governor of Alaska. Poke fun all you want, but she wouldn't have been hated so much if she wasn't a real threat to the Democratic Party. You can certainly expect to hear her name brought up in 2012. Honorable Mention: Hillary Clinton, Candace Parker, Pat Summitt.

WORST PERSON OF THE YEAR: Three-way tie between Barney Frank, Chris Dodd, and Ben Bernanke. It's hideous how bad these men failed at their jobs, leaving us in an absolute financial nightmare nationwide. It's further more disturbing that this men continue to have jobs. Honorable Mention: Rod Blagojevich, Al Davis, "Pacman" Jones.

MAN OF THE YEAR: Barack Obama, President-Elect. Like him or not, the soon-to-be-prez ran a brilliant campaign, and may very well be the best presidential speaker we've had since Reagan or perhaps even JFK. Honorable Mention: Michael Phelps, Jimmie Johnson, Joe "The Plumber" Wurzelbacher.

The Perfect Gifts To Give This Season

"Everybody says they need just one thing. What they really mean is they need just one thing more." -Rich Mullins

It's that time of year again: time for decorating the Christmas tree, hanging lights outside the house, and stress for hours over gifts for loved ones that more than likely will be completely forgotten by this time next year.

So here's your chance. Your chance to give the perfect gift. One that is meaningful. One that is a "one size fits all" kind of gift. One where the color will be okay, and even if you decide to go cheap, it still can change someone's life.

Where can one find such a gift? Go check out http://www.worldvisiongifts.org/.

World Vision is a Christian organization that helps people in need all around the world. Through them you can "adopt" a child with monthly donations. And I know what you're thinking....that this is another charity that wants a bunch of money to feed the hungry, but your money really might not even go to that purpose. Let me stop you there. First, 86% of all proceeds go directly to the humanitarian efforts World Vision is involved in across the globe. That means 86 cents of every dollar goes to help tsunami victims, orphans in Europe, single mothers in Africa, and children all over the globe.

Kathryn and I have been blessed to be a part of adopting a child through World Vision for over 4 years now. Her name is Stacy, a young girl from a village in Kenya. Every 3-4 months we'll get an update on her, how her education is going, how her family life is, and what she enjoys doing in her free time. We also get pictures of her every now and then. It's truly awesome to actually see the face of the person you're helping even though they're thousands of miles away.

And starting a few years ago around Christmas time, World Vision came out with a really neat idea: a catalog of various gifts you can give to help those less fortunate around the world! Just to give some examples:

-For $75 you can give a goat to a family. Goats produce milk, cheese, and yogurt, all of which are essential to the nourishment of young children in places like Kenya and Zimbabwe.

-For $225 you can get a donkey, which helps transport firewood or other products purchased at village markets.

-For anywhere from $20-$200, you can donate to the Orphan and Widows Fund, which helps meet neds such as food, shelter, education, counseling, and job training.

-For $70 you can send an orphan to school for a year.

-For $60 you can purchase 10 fruit trees for a community.

-For $100 you can help bring safety to a child rescued from child trafficking and prostitution.

-For $85 you can purchase a bicycle for a girl so she may get to school and back home safely.

-For $16 you can buy 2 basketballs to help bring fun and healthy exercise to a child.

The amazing thing about World Vision is that it goes beyond just the hunger needs. You can help build a home for a single mother ($2,000), provide a business loan for a woman ($100), help provide wheelchairs and prosthetics for disabled children ($25-$75), or help protect a family from malaria-bearing mosquitoes ($20).

Clean water, job training, newborn immunizations, school supplies for poor children in the U.S. The list goes on and on.

I know there's a lot on our list this Christmas. We have things we want and things we want to buy others. But really, don't we have what we need? Think about waking up, not knowing where your next meal was coming from. Think about walking 10 miles to a well to get clean water. Think about not having the many opportunities we have here.

Then think about how you can help people who face these realities every day.

God Bless guys, and Merry Christmas!

Lemonade, Apple Pie, and Porn

Before hopping on a plane recently on a trip to Florida, I followed my typical airport routine of finding a newsstand close to my gate to pick up reading material for the flight. I decided upon the latest issue of Esquire. I've never read Esquire before, and for all I knew I had just completely wasted 5 bucks on a magazine full of "artsy" Hilfiger ads and directions on how to have your best abs ever.

I found the mag to be pretty good overall, ads included. However one article really stuck out in my mind after I read it. It was titled "What's With All The Ugly People Having Sex?" and was written by Stephen Marche. Needless to say it warranted my attention.

This wasn't a write-up blasting the porn industry. Nor was it, to my pleasant surprise, a piece glorifying the sex industry as is often the case in our secular world.

Basically what the piece discussed was the growing trend of what is essentially "do it yourself" pornography. Apparently two major sites spinning off of youtube.com have been created for the sole purpose of regular people to post their own sex tape.

This, while not surprising, is scary. There was a time where sex was considered a special thing, intimate, between a man and wife alone. That day has passed. Now it is no more special than shaking hands with a stranger, no different than rush hour traffic, no more out of place in the culture of America than apple pie and lemonade.

But shouldn't we have seen this coming? After all, the porn industry isn't going to turn away from any possible money-making outlet. Over 40 years ago a man named Hefner happily began exploiting young women by distributing magazines with their naked pictures in them.

About 10 years ago, a man named Joe Francis began touring around to different spring break locations videotaping drunk girls who, for a little money and 15 minutes of fame, got naked on camera.

Now, in the 2000s, we have websites dedicated to amateurs wishing to post videos of themselves having sex. As any remaining privacy goes out the window, apparently any sliver of shame does as well. As the article so matter-of-factly states "Pornography, like every other type of expression available in contemporary life, has been democratized." Sad, isn't it?

Certainly, there are two sides to this. There are those people who feel the need to share their sex lives with anonymous people. There are women who, beginning as young teenagers, are pressured into looking sexy. Some even to the point of wearing Playboy attire like it was a fashion statement. Those who also willingly post soft-core porn images onto sites like facebook and myspace.

Marche interjects with an interesting point of view later in the piece. He describes these DIY porn people as persons not wanting to be viewed for the sexual aspects, but for the attention and fame it can bring. "Homemade pornography is do-it-yourself celebrity, and in a world in which just about anybody can get a reality show, the homemade sex tape is the closest most civilians can come to feeling like a real star." Quite a price to pay, isn't it? 15 minutes of fame, and all you have to do is be completely naked and vulnerable in front of the camera having sexual intercourse with another partner.

However, these people would never view themselves as porn actors or actresses. That seems, like Marche puts it, as "a gruesome example of a menial laborer". Again, it's the fame that brings them in, not the sexual activity itself. These people view the Paris Hilton on the red carpet with the cameras flashing, not the Paris Hilton ashamed and disgusted at the whole world being able to view her having sex at any time they want.

The other side is the people (mostly men) who pay money, time, and attention to pornography. Men who are willing to risk marriages, families, jobs, and self-respect for a little self gratification. And we're suckers for a pretty lady taking her clothes off. See, that's the double-edged sword we were all born with: a strong attraction to visually appealing women.

When discussions of lust come up, of all the various verses the Bible contains that fit perfect into the conversation, I keep thinking back to the story of David. A man considered to be "a man after God's own heart". Yet a man also tempted, and failing miserably at resisting it. Check it out for yourself in 2 Samuel 11.

I don't think the question is relevant at this point "how do we stop porn?" Porn is sin, and a temptation, and we can't stop either of those ourselves. The question then must be how do we as Christians react to porn? How do we resist it's allure? How do we teach young men about respecting women? How do we teach young women about respecting themselves?

I'm not here to answer those questions. I simply want to bring awareness to the church about a growing epidemic that is eating away at the fabric of America, and as the bride of Christ, we must no longer be silent regarding it.

Thus when a movie comes out called "Zack and Miri Make a Porno", we as Christians, instead of just shaking our head and turning away can use it as a springboard for discussion. Instead of being appalled at the xxxchurch.com ministry, we can embrace it as necessary and use it as a resource to help Christians break the chains of pornography. Instead of pointing fingers and condeming a generation of promiscuity to hell, we can be actively praying for America's youth, that they'll maintain a lifestyle that is pleasing to Christ.

100 Things I'm Thankful For

My wife
Digital cameras.
Honey Bunches of Oats cereal with the vanilla clusters.
Our house.
Reruns of The Office.
All things Derek Webb.
XM Radio (so I’m not forced to listen to local yahoos talk about how much they love/hate/don’t understand/are frustrated with Tennessee football.)
The changing of leaves in the fall.
My cat Lucy.
Mom and Dad.
Famous Amos Oatmeal Macaroon cookies.
Friendly neighbors.
People in the media who have the guts to tell the truth (i.e. Glenn Beck and Colin Cowherd.)
Another actor running for president (Fred Thompson).
Summertime sunsets.
Reading poetry.
Writing poetry.
Stephen Dunn’s poetry.
The Atlanta Braves re-signing Tom Glavine.
West Park Baptist Church.
That new Alicia Keys song.
Trash-talking between Tigers and Gamecocks.
Nick Ballenger.
Riding around with Kathryn.
Buttermilk Chicken from Aubrey’s Restaurant.
Yankee Candle Company.
Our small group.
Fridays.
Sunday afternoon naps.
Being from South Carolina.
Collecting baseball cards.
Online poker.
Sports movies.
Travis Phillips.
Getting to travel to places I’ve never been before (though I hate flying with a passion.)
John Mayer’s music.
Shopping for power tools because I actually need them now, where as months ago I had no use for them.
Dana Becker.
Football games in Death Valley (in Clemson, the REAL one, not LSU.)
Continually checking the weather forecast over the next few months for the possibility of snow.
Reading the rumors page on foxsports.com.
Girls that can sing (i.e. Carrie Underwood, Mariah Carey, Keyshia Cole,Sara Evans)
My wife’s beautiful smile.
Playing Tecmo Super Bowl STILL on my Nintendo (yep, still have it, from 1986).
Not ever having to comb my hair.
Stu and Arledge. And Lambeau Table.
Hearing new rap songs on the radio, and remembering the original song they stole the beat from.
Watching a game from the seats in Turner Field.
Soldiers who are willing to sacrifice their own lives for our freedom.
Pastors Sam Polson and Jack Underwood.
The Sharp Family (John, Christie, Bailey, Taylor, Nathan).
My in-laws.
Wearing sweaters.
Playing with other people’s children, but not having any of our own yet to have to take care of.
My ridiculous collection of books and cds.
Seinfeld reruns.
Doing yardwork with my wife.
The rare good driver in Knoxville.
Steve Bullington.
Discussing theology with people who show interest.
Handing out candy to our first ever trick-or-treaters this past Halloween.
Granny and Papa.
The fond memory of Justin Cope.
Listening to Mike and Mike in the morning every day during the work week.
Oliver Purnell, Clemson’s basketball coach.
McKay’s Used Book Store.
My job and the guys that work for me.
Annual bonus checks.
Being a Charleston Southern alum.
Getting to hold an English Bulldog puppy several months back.
Cheez-its.
The ceiling fan in our bedroom (we’ve never had one before).
Smell of fresh-cut grass.
Dr. Guerry and Dr. Martin.
Facebook and Myspace and the chance to connect with old friends.
Thunderstorms.
Grilling chicken, hot dogs, burgers, pork chops, veggies, bananas, just whatever.
Ricky Reyes.
HDTV and a DVR box.
Listening to Metallica in the garage while doing work.
Everything Playstation.
Pigskin Prep Message Boards.
Mom’s macaroni and cheese.
Having dad help me do things around the house.
Fantasy football (even though I suck at it).
Our vacation to Destin in August.
Getting to overeat on Thanksgiving.
Drinkwater, Ledford, and Backstreet (and all other former roommates).
Talking about sports 24/7 with anyone who will listen.
Walt Whitman’s “Leaves of Grass”.
Saying the first few lines of “Irreplacable” by Beyonce whenver giving directions to someone. To the left…to the left…everything you own in the box to…well, you get it.
The early season success of the Charlotte Bobcats.
Road-tripping to Chapel Hill with Trav.
Pick-up games of basketball, as rare as they may be.
Getting to ignore stupid Facebook applications people send me.
Jon and Cristin Wetherbee.
Sweet tea.
My wife’s willingness to love me regardless of how much of a jackass I am at times.
Christmas music.
My relationship with Christ, and His unending love for me, despite my failures, deceit, and sin. His desire to be with me regardless of the person I am. His grace, mercy, compassion, and patience.

About my wife

I know very little about women.

It sounds like an understatement, because really, what man really knows women well? I have a feeling that many men are like me: completely dumbfounded and ignorant in regards to understanding women.

For years before I met Kathryn, I tried my hardest. I questioned certain things that I saw women doing and saying, whether it be in movies, TV shows, or real life. As men, we don’t get it. We’re not sure why women constantly think they’re fat. We don’t understand the need for 5 different handbags. And we really don’t see the emotional downward-spiral over a woman’s frustration at “not having anything to wear.”

With all this consternation over knowing just the right words to say and right things to do, we get tired. Frustrated. To the point we sometimes just give up.

That’s what I did a little over 6 years ago. I had it with women. Too confusing, too indecisive. I figured being a bachelor the rest of my life wasn’t so bad. Remind you, I was all of 19 years old making such declarations.

And it seems at times in our lives when we quit striving so hard and just let God take control that certain blessings fall into place. Not all the time. I’m still waiting on my six-figure income and my two story brick house. But God blessed me with something far greater than any salary or house or car could give me. He blessed me with Kathryn.

It was the most unlikely of circumstances, but one night in December of 2001, over cheap Waffle House coffee, I got to know the most incredible woman in the world.

We went on our first official date Jan. 12, 2002. We went bowling with friends, then went to the beach where we stayed up and watched the sunrise. How many first dates are that awesome? Few. And it wasn’t a week later when I realized that Kathryn would be my wife. In a journal excerpt from Jan. 19, 2002, this is what I wrote…

“I know who you are. You’re amazing. You’re beautiful. You’re breathtaking. I love every moment I spend with you. I can’t wait to see you the next day. We’ve only known each other for a little over a month, but somehow, I know. It’s your eyes. Your smile. Your fingernails. The way you speak so softly and the way you hold me so tightly. The way your hand fits into mine. The sweetness of your lips. You’re the one. I know this to be true. You’re perfect to me.”

Alas, we got engaged on our 6 month anniversary (July 12, 2002) and exactly a year later, we were married. Last week, we got to celebrate our 4th anniversary together. Of course, we look forward to many, many more.

The best thing is that while I cannot admit to knowing much more about women than I did 6 years ago, I know Kathryn. I know surprise flowers make her smile. I know she loves cheap cappuccinos and Tootsie Rolls. I know it takes her forever to get ready. I know she looks incredible when she’s done. I know her fears, hopes, insecurities, and passions. I know her love for animals. I know for her, cleanliness IS the next thing to godliness. I know she loves vegetables, hates to cook, and exercises more patience with me than anyone ever should have to.

I treasure in knowing her. I love the fact that no one in this world will ever know my wife like I do. That’s God’s design for marriage. That’s how it’s supposed to work. We share secrets. We share embarrassments. We laugh over stupid fights, and cry over hurtful ones. We kiss, hug, flirt, and wrestle. We’re in love. I don’t have to read any books or watch any TV shows to understand that.

I don’t know much about all women, but I know a lot about one. My woman. And that’s all that matters to me.

My Christian Life: Confessions of Who I Am

Somewhere along the line, we as Christians screwed up. I don't just mean in terms of sin, thought that would certainly align with the ideals opposite of what Christians are called to be. Somehow, we got the idea that we are to be perfect. Perfection is the standard set for us by God, exemplified through Christ, but that's not quite what I'm talking about here. I mean perfect in the way that the outside world, be it secular or those beside us in the pew on Sunday morning perceive us. Perfect in the sense not that my shirt is ironed and my shoes shined, but in the sense that we live our lives flawlessly, or more so that we should give the appearance that we do.

Far too long I've given in to the lie that Christians are to hide in their corners with their sin, not letting anyone know it, and put on a face like they know exactly what they are doing, why they are doing it, and where they should be doing it. We are taught to bundle up troubles, frustrations, questions, and sins into a ball and stuff it deep down, so no one knows about it.

The cold reality is this: we are sinners. Christians are not now and never will be perfect. I've all too often led a life contrary to scripture by my need to be perfect, so that you won't see the scars, the bruises, the flaws, the ugly parts of my life.

So there are certainly times in our life we need to confess. We need to clear air on some issues we've struggled with. I have a few that my life has regurgitated that sicken me to this day...

1. I don't really like church. I know that sounds odd, seeing as how I've spent 26 years of Sundays basically inside the walls of some church. It would be easy to chalk it up to my childhood, basically spending 2-3 evenings a week in church. I think it's more so a lacking sense of community. I don't know if I've ever been a part of a church where I personally felt really connected. Sure, there are those where socially it was great. All my friends were there, so my comfort wasn't tested. It was a simple need met: companionship. But eventually that fades, and isn't the real purpose of a church body anyway. I long for a church with true community: the type where sins can be confessed without fear of judgement, questions can be asked without fear of being undermined, and debates can be held without arrogance or fear. A church that truly meets the needs of everyone else, while still maintaining a missional sense for the hurting outside world. But on top of my desire for that, I also must confess that I don't play a big part in making the church that way. Perhaps I'm not using my gifts properly, or I'm not in tune with God. Either way, my 3 feet of comfort space is still existing on Sunday mornings, and until I (willingly) tear that down, I'll maintain a lackluster view of church, to no one's fault but my own.
2. I've been judgement-oriented rather than grace-oriented. Looking back now, I hate my high school self. I hate the fact that I concerned myself more with figuring out the sins of others than I did repenting of my own sins. I hate the fact that I couldn't look at my peers with love because I was too busy condemning their every move. I hate the crusades I went on of breaking CDs, trashing pop culture, and lingering around with an imaginary picket sign warning off all sinners. I was the same as everyone around me. Just because I wasn't having sex gave me no right to point fingers and condemn those who were. How I wish I could take those days back, and replace my condemning thoughts with deep prayer. How I wish I had preached grace instead of fundamental theology.
3. I know more sports facts, music lyrics, and movie quotes than I do scripture. I'm sure many of us do. We can sing a song we last heard 5 years ago as if we had written it ourselves, but we can't quote anything beyond John 3:16 from the Bible. This is a poor confession of mine. I certainly have failed to practice not only meditation of scripture, but memorization of scripture. I feel as if I know so little about the words I claim to love so much. It's certainly something that requires more immediate attention from myself.
4. I'm not really serving God like I should. It's hard. It's as if I use my job as a crutch, when really it doesn't necessarily hold me back anymore than anything else does. I want to get my hands dirty. I want to serve others. I feel like I just don't know how anymore. It came so easy in college, being surrounded by so many energetic on-fire students who wanted to serve. We went door-to-door taking out people's trash for them, and cleaning their bathrooms! Now, it's almost a chore to throw my own garbage away. Oh Lord, that you would enstill in me the fire again to serve you!
5. I don't pray. Not nearly enough. I write down prayer requests, then lose them the next day. I've got a card in my wallet with names to pray for, yet seldom pull it out. I've got more time in my day than I need, yet I don't spend it talking to God. No wonder sometimes He feels like a stranger to me.

These are some of my issues. I say MY issues, because I'm not here to confess anyone else's downfalls. These are mine. I take full ownership. And part of maturing as a Christian is recognizing the things keeping you from God and repenting of those things.

Oh, that I would truly seek Him in a way that man hungers for food and thirsts for water! That I would love Him like a man does his beautiful bride! That I would trust Him like the morning sun and the April rains! That I would bless Him, for He has blessed me abundantly, in spite of who I am.

A Death That Doesn't Make Sense

I've never been opposed to God's will. I know it certainly must occur at times where it is most difficult to swallow. It frustrates the human mind to no end when, say a person gets sick right before their first day at a new job. When you forget to get fresh milk, and the next morning, you have sour Cheerios. When you stay up late writing a paper, only to have your computer crash and lose it all. These things are, in their own way, clouds that rain on any one person's parade.

Yet we tie it all back to a saying that sounds all too cliche: "It's all in God's plan". Or, better yet, "There's a reason for it!" Ok, I can accept that. Not everyone can have a good day 7 days a week. But no one has yet been able to explain this to me: Justin Cope is dead.

And I don't mean any disrespect to Justin or to God when I type that. In fact, it feels too surreal. My dear friend from college, who just celebrated his first year of marriage and was rapidly approaching his 26th birthday, died in his sleep this past Monday night.

The obvious sentiment is to feel grief, send condolences, and move on. I feel I've done that to a certain degree. But I can't help but to sit in the silence of the deep evening and wonder: why him?

What was it that would even make this all even remotely make sense? Was it someone's wrong-doing? A mis-diagnosis from a doctor? Had Justin really already accomplished all that God had for him to do on this earth?

I really wanted to be there for the funeral today. Looking back, maybe it's better I wasn't. I'm not sure if I could've handled it. I've still yet to allow myself a full all-out grieving session. And surely it would've happened there, watching my friends for CSU grieving. Watching a young bride see her husband's casket adorned with flowers. Watching people I went to school with serve as pallbearers.

My God! He was only 25! He had a smile that would light up any room! He dedicated himself to his wife, to his classroom, and most importantly, to his God! So why? Why take him now?

Had I been in Charleston, I wouldn't know of a better tribute that I could give him but to gather the guys together and play one more game of basketball. That's the thing I'll remember most about Justin: the competitive spirit on the basketball court. And if there was any way for me to rewind it all, I would, just to play one more one-on-one game with him.

I guess I'll just have to wait to meet again in Heaven to play. And when you think of it that way, it's really not so bad after all.

Justin, we love you dearly, and miss you dearly. Thank God for the life He let you live on this earth and the impact you had. You blessed us all. Now we rejoice not in your passing, but in the fact that you're dwelling in the presence of the Holy Father. We love you, brother.

Our Need for an American Idol

Wednesday night is the big night. Millions upon millions of Americans will gather around their TVs to see first-hand who will be the next American Idol. Many of those watching dialed in on their cellphones the night before to vote for their chosen idol. The water cooler talk for months has been AI, and who should win, who should leave, what was Simon grumbling about, etc.

And while it's certainly a harmless singing competition, I think American Idol reveals something about us as a nation that isn't evident just on the surface. We're a people that loves to be a part of something. A people that needs something to look forward to, something to "idolize."

I'm certainly not suggesting anyone (in their right mind) will look at Blake Lewis or Jordin Sparks as a savior figure, or someone who will restore hope for all mankind. It's the mere title of the show that can be a tad disturbing to the naked eye. "American Idol". In other words, the person who is most important. The best. No one is better. Someone to look up to, to honor. Someone to, perhaps, fill the void in our lives.

This doesn't pertain to you? Let's step back for a minute, and look at our nation as a whole. Who or what is famous? President Bush? How many conversations have you had where someone would bend over backwards to support the president no matter what, simply because he's a Republican? How about Oprah? Because she's wealthy and is very charitable, does she get a little more acknowledgement from us? What about our things? Our car? Our bank account? Where is our trust? I think it sometimes is most evident by the scores of lottery tickets purchased. People will spend almost as much money as they make trying to win more than they'll ever earn in a lifetime, because the assumption is there that money is what helps us survive. Money makes us happy.

Too often we find ourselves scrambling for something to fill a void. Rich Mullins wrote in one of his many songs "Everyone says they want just one thing. What they really mean is they want just one thing more." Thought-provoking. Is he really suggesting we may already have what we need?

There's an incredible nugget of truth tucked away in 2 Corinthians. Chapter 12, verse 9 God tells Paul this: "My grace is sufficient for you." Sufficient? Grace? That's quite the implication there. Is He really saying grace is all we need? If so, then what are we chasing after?

What concerns me the most is the attitude Christians have about the world. We're chasing the same things non-believers are. We're trusting in that next paycheck, the job promotion, a new president, a well-known author's newest bestseller, a preacher's prophecy, a future husband or wife, a nicer house or wardrobe, a more attractive body. But God suggests we don't need any of that. His grace is sufficient. His grace, proved by the cross, covers everything. The other things are nice, and God does bless us with some of those things, but if we have grace, we have enough. Our cup is full.

I could write for hours about grace; about its incomprehensibility and beauty, its sufficiency and invincibility, its loving nature born from its Creator. How God gives it so graciously to those who least deserve it. How its often overlooked even by its owners. And how its been given the backseat to our fleshly desires and priorities.

No writing could really do it justice. Just know this, that it is enough. No question. There is nothing more that you'll need, for the grace of God has saved you from the very things that were killing you. And that's something no American Idol will ever be able to do.